Thursday, September 27, 2012

I Survived, with pictures

Ok. I survived Sully's 2nd birthday. It always surprises me a little when I make it through one of the 'Big' days. I know that I don't make it through on my own. Prayers work people! God is bigger than the 'Big' days. Sometimes it's hard to remember that when you're in the trenches. I'm working on it. Still.

September 19th, Sully's actual bday, I flew to Florida. Navarre Beach, FL. It was the right thing for me. It was exactly what I needed in that moment. The beauty of God's creation all around me. The weather was absolutely perfect, not a drop of rain. White sand beaches, blue skies, puffy white clouds and butterflies  everywhere surrounded me.  I'm not going to lie, I had my moments, but here I am, still alive.

I swam in the salty waters letting wave after wave wash over me. I love waves. I sat on the white sand in the evenings. ( I. Am. Pale. beaches were saved for after 4pm or before 10am)   I went to Fort Pickens and Pensacola Beach. On Thursday, I went on a Sunset Dolphin Cruise that rocked! This time I actually saw dolphins unlike my last dolphin cruise. Friday I went to The Butterfly House in Navarre. It was closed, bummer, but outside...amazing. Flowers abounded with butterflies all over the place. I grabbed my camera and clicked away til I noticed I was literally dripping with sweat. It was the middle of the day, and I was sure I would be totally fried. The spf 50 and 75 I put on did their jobs and kept the red away. I set the camera up for some macro work....and it worked. Great detail with blurry backgrounds without editing. Now, edit I did, just not for the blurriness. I like lots of contrast and lots of color. 

I took 2 cameras on this trip.  My Canon and a new tiny point and shoot Cybershot. It is waterproof and sandproof and dustproof. Sometimes it's nice to have a little camera that you can just throw in your purse. I took a ton of pics with it. Looked at them several times on the camera. I forgot the cord to download the pics to my computer. Friday morning I turned on the camera to take another look at the dolphin pics from the night before and got an error message. Turns out bad microsd card. ALL pictures are gone! Thankfully I still have everything taken with the big camera. Bummer though, looked like there were some good ones.  Alright, enough babbling. All this to say thank you for your thoughts and prayers. I made it through some really hard days and nights. Now some pictures.

Sunday, September 16, 2012

Happy 2nd Birthday, Sully!

Sully's birthday is September 19th. His 2nd. How do you celebrate your baby's birthday when they're not here? I don't know. Some have a small family gathering, some launch balloons or lanterns with family and friends. Some spend the day quietly with close family. This year, I am getting the heck out of dodge. I am going to fly away, and spend 4 days on the beach. There isn't a right or wrong. Do what you need to do, take care of yourself. That may sound selfish to some, but if you haven't been there you shouldn't judge.

September brings a lot of unanswered questions and a reminder of unfulfilled dreams. Is he 2 or is he forever 16 weeks 2 days? Does he have hair or teeth? Can he walk or talk? Are his eyes still so blue? Are his cheeks still squishably chubby? I don't know. I wish I did.

So, instead of celebrating with cake and ice cream, toy cars and balls I'll be leaving balloons and flowers at a cemetery. How messed up is that?!  Love your kids, don't take them for granted. They can be taken from you. Take pictures, lots of pictures. You will never regret having them, especially in this digital age. I'm going to post a few "new" pictures of my Sully. Obviously they aren't really new. They are just pictures I cropped the crap out of in order for me to have a few more close ups of my boy. If you are the person holding him and I've cropped you out. Sorry, nothing personal.

Happy Birthday, Sully! Mama loves and misses you