Thursday, May 30, 2013

Hello,my name is....

Sorry I've been absent for a while. Within the last 2 weeks, I've read 2 blogs on making sure we don't silence our story. So, I'm going to give it a try. It's not a comfortable decision, it's a scary one! It's been a long year already. When you year Starts with the anniversary of your son's death, it can be easy to let that set the tone for all that is to come. That is a horrible way to stifle all the good God has in store for me. So, I'm going to start again. Today. May 30th. Jack's day. A Thursday and a 30!! Today, I start with prayers for my friend Laurie, as she starts the 1 month countdown to Jack's 2nd birthday in heaven. Today, I pray for my friend Charlene, who starts her 1 week countdown to Kaleb's 10th birthday in heaven. 10 YEARS! Today, I will get back into reading my Bible regularly. I was doing so good with this, then I got busy for a few days and started letting it slide. Before you know it a week has gone by, then a month... Today, I'm going to start with this: Hello, my name is child of the one true King. I've been saved, I've been changed, and I have been set free. (Matthew West)

Last week I had a complete hysterectomy. That's right. Gone, all of it. I'm 42 years old, so it wasn't likely that I'd be getting pregnant. I knew this, it wasn't a surprise. Now, it's a definite NO! Ok, God. Door closed. Sully was a child of my heart, not of my womb. It could happen again. I'm on a list. Thatisn't a definite no, at least not yet. Waiting.

So this month of May has meant another Mother'sDay without a child to help celebrate being a mama. Holidays at the cemetery aren't great, people! Follow that with surgery the week after and it's made for a really long month!

But, I have this hope: Higher than the mountains that I face, stronger than the power of the grave, constant in the trial and the change, One Thing...Remains. Your love never fails, never gives up, never runs out on me...... In Death, In Life, I'm confident and covered by the power of You Great Love. My debt is paid, there's nothing that can separate my heart from Your great love!! (Passion)

Clearly, God uses music to speak to my soul, to calm my fears, and heal my heart. I am so grateful for Christian music that speaks truth. When I'm Worn, He reminds me that I am Redeemed. (Worn, by Tenth Avenue North) (Redeemed, by Big Daddy Weave) He reminds me that there are 10,000 Reasons for my heart to find (Matt Redman)

Ok, ok. I'll stop with the songs. But seriously people! Listen to the words. HEAR the words. God also uses photography to soothe my soul. To show me His beauty, His creation. So, here are some of my favorites from my Mother'sDay spent at the butterfly exhibit and gardens at the zoo. Give yourself a big round of applause if you're still reading at this point!