Tuesday, April 12, 2011

Satan doesn't win! God does

You've maybe heard the saying "I've read the back of the book and God wins", well it's true. Am I still grieving? Yes. Do I still have hope? Yes. Am I happy? Sometimes. Do I have JOY? Yes. Satan does not win! He does not get to steal my joy. Yes, I am sad a lot. No, I don't understand. I may never understand in this lifetime. But, I can't see the eternal big picture. God painted the picture. He knows why, and I'm learning to just believe and accept. People ask how I'm doing and I don't know how to answer. Honestly, it depends on the day or the hour or the minute sometimes. I will be ok one minute, then something will just hit me and whammo! Not ok anymore. So, if you want to help. Pray for peace and strength. Right now there are areas in my life that I'm trying to move forward in. There are big decisions to be made. They are scary, but yet I have peace about the direction I'm taking.

Now, remember that gift from God that I told you I'd be sharing about?  No, yes? Well, I'm going to tell you about him. Karter Charles McDonald 8lbs, 7 oz and 22". He was born March 5th. His parents are my close friends Greg and Charlene McDonald (also my pastor and pastor's wife). He is an absolutely gorgeous answer to prayer. He has 2 big sisters Kristen and Kelsey who love on him as much as possible. And he has a big brother Kaleb who is rejoicing with the angels and singing praises to God for this new baby with his new best friend Sully. Greg and Charlene did not let satan win! They remained obedient and faithful even in the tragedy of Kaleb's death. They continued to praise God. They continued to serve faithfully, even when staying home and in bed would have been the easy way. Through this, they were able to raise enough money to purchase an ultrasound machine for the Women's Resource Center. This in turn, has touched countless lives. One being Karter's biological mother. She did not abort this little boy. She carried him to term and Greg and Charlene were able to adopt this little (not so little) baby boy. They have been telling his story and praising our Saviour ever since! This woman will forever be remembered in their prayers and in mine.

6 days before Sully died I stopped by the church in the afternoon to visit with Charlene for a late lunch. We talked about our boys and the future. Sully had outgrown his basinett and many of his newborn and 0-3 month clothes. So, we talked about Karter using some of Sully's things. We talked about how we wouldn't exactly be the youngest moms out there :). We had plans. We didn't know how drastic our plans would change less than a week later. Admittedly this made things a little harder. A little painful. But, it did not change the miracle that is Karter! He is a gift to be cherished. ALL babies are gifts to be cherished! Does it still hurt to hold him? Yes, sometimes. But I will hold this baby that I already loved before he was born. If it hurts, it hurts. God hasn't called me to a life lived in hiding. He will be my strength when I have none. He will poor his grace on me as he has been doing all along.

He is beautiful!

Friday, March 11, 2011

8 Long Weeks

It's been 8 weeks since Sully passed away. That is incredibly hard to believe. He lived here on earth 16 weeks and 2 days. I was blessed to have him for all but 2 days of his life. I live each day knowing that he is safe and healthy and waiting for me. Hope. Grace. Mercy. Faithfulness. They keep me going along with much encouragement from family and friends. I was blessed. I am blessed. I will be blessed, even though I have done nothing to deserve it. GRACE
  Last weekend I was witness to a true miracle of life! One day, soon maybe, I'll tell you about it. It was beautiful. It was joyful. It was God given.      It was painful. It was heart wrenching. It made me reel a little bit.   STILL, IT WAS A GIFT OF HOPE AND LOVE AND JOY!!!! Straight from God.

                     1 Thessalonians 4:13,14
   13 Brothers and sisters, we do not want you to be uninformed about those who sleep in death, so that you do not grieve like the rest of mankind, who have no hope. 14 For we believe that Jesus died and rose again, and so we believe that God will bring with Jesus those who have fallen asleep in him

    This passage is pure comfort.  Now, I thought I'd lighten the mood a little. A few people have asked if Sully was always a content, smiley, happy boy.   Ummmm, no. He was a baby, just like all others. He cried, he fussed, he peed on me :)   He spit up (a lot), he got me up at night (sometimes a lot), he arched his back with anger (not a lot). He was a regular little boy. So, here are a few pictures of him that aren't hanging on the wall or sitting in frames.

I'll finish with a happy baby playing on his activity gym, laughing at a mama being silly

Sunday, February 27, 2011


I don't have any words yet. Here are some pictures of my sweet boy Sullivan Conner, Sully. The first few were taken the evening before he passed away. He was in a very happy, laughing mood. So glad I grabbed up my camera and took some pictures!